I'm tired from yesterday. I think it's the journey into kampala that takes it out of me. It's fairly chaotic and busy. You know what, we are ripped off so badly in the UK. A soda here costs about 30p. A chapatti and egg roll costs about 30p. A bus journey costs about 30p. A goat costs about 10pounds. A chicken..about 2 pounds. The less I needlessly spend in the UK, the more I'll have to spend on traval. It's a good motivation to try and be a savvy saver.
Yesterday, over lunch with the staff, they asked me where I was from and said 'oh ok so that makes you English!' I beamed, inwardly thinking 'yes! English, not muzungo!'. I think, when I get called muzungo, I'll start saying something like 'no, not muzungo, English'. I'm going to try it and see how it goes.
I decided that I should probably spend thursday and friday preparing for the research, which starts on monday. The weather is overcast, which helps with motivation to study instead of having a good time. However, the weekend is going to be great. Im seeing zeke on saturday and im visiting mabira forest reserve with Martin, the vet phd researcher, who is a big plant fan and im sure will teach me many things! I don't share his enthusiasm for collecting insects, however.
I got a good amount of work done today. I re-found my enthusiasm for my study, and actually, it gives meaning to why I'm here in Uganda. It's good to remind myself of what I'm doing. My purpose.
I've been feeling a bit 'meh' today. I think I'm still thinking about the kids I met yesterday, the OVC project and about the Bwaise slums in general. Coming to terms with coming to terms with it :)
I love the mornings in Uganda. Mornings are when the world rudely interrupts your life with alarm clocks, enforced schedules, demands and requests for your attention in class, or simply family members unsympathetically stomping over the house and slamming doors on their way out, making you jump awake. Or, the worst, shouting your name from somewhere downstairs until it eventually infiltrates your dreams and you wake up. Mornings are the time when I have the least autonomy back in the UK. But here in Uganda, the mornings are ALL. MINE. Nobody is here to call me awake. Nobody demands my attention or thinks I'm 'wasting the day' because I'm still in bed. The only alarms I set are the ones I want to set. The schedules are schedules I set. Autonomy. That's what I have here. Peace and quiet. I love it. I wake up in the morning and listen to outside the window..everyone minding their own buisiness and letting me mind mine. I look over at my door..nobody's going to come and pester me here. Then I stretch out under my mosquito net and enjoy this delicious moment where my peace and quiet is respected :) Anyone else feel the same?
Today I met someone very interesting. He's a Ugandan security guard here. He said that in 2008-2010 he served in the US army in the Iraq war. Apparently the US outsourced recruits from Israel, the middle east and Africa. Once inscripted, he was signed up for 2 years and his title is 'US soldier', which is why UK media never mentioned the US army was made up of anyone else except US soldiers, and I assumed, US citizens. He said al quaeda were 'crazy' and that the challenge was that you never knew when they were going to strike. That they didn't appear in large teams, it was just one or two people hidden just beyond the barracks. He said the US army send out drones to take photos of the surrounding area to try and spot them. That he was given night vision binoculars and 'killed people' of course. He laughed when I made a face at this. He said it was important to kill them before getting killed. I asked him why he signed up, he said because of the money. I asked him about how he adjusted back to life in Uganda. He said he's still not totally adjusted, and he has problems with his hearing due to firing loud guns. He said he wouldn't sign up again. I asked him if he took a break in those 2 years, he said no because al quaeda targeted their planes, so once you're there it's best to stay there instead of risking being shot down on your way out or in. I wonder why the UK media keeps it so on the down low that the US outsources it's army recruits? Uganda's army is currently active in sudan, nigeria and somalia, apparently. They've asked him to sign up but he refused, saying he's retired from the army and wouldn't go back. I wonder if it was worth the money? He said he was offered US citizenship together with his job in the US army. At the time, he didn't get this opportunity because his boss was killed in action. I asked him if, now, he wished he had taken the US citizenship. He said no. Not for a military job.
I had such a gross dinner. Tinned tuna with soy sauce. Let me tell you friends, that this is NOT a way to eat tuna! Out of desperate I added the only other sauce I had - sweet chilli - which definitely helped. Still disgusting though, not helped by the fact that I don't even like tuna. I'm out of ham and rapidly going off tinned chicken. This leaves me with tuna and mackeral..neither of which are particularly palatable! I'm already excited for the plane food. On saturday I know Im going to have a nice meal - ill be visiting Zeke and his family! Let me guess...matooke and beans?
I was still feeling 'meh' in the evening and then I read about a US embassy terror alert for Kampala in May/June so I felt even more 'meh'. So I made some tea (keep calm and make tea guys!) and went down to the bar by the pool. I got chatting with a guy who works here called Lawrence. We chatted about general stuff and he teased me about my tea. He said he likes my goings on..apparently I like a lot of tea, I like times alone, and I often pat my hair down! Well, today i was being rather isolated working on preparation for my study. And my hair..is a mess, and no amount of patting is going to sort that. He said he works with Compassion. From my church in plymouth I have heard about compassion, but I never really knew what they did. So I asked Lawrence about what compassion do and his role with them. Compassion, in Kampala, provides spiritual, emotional, physical and...2 other things..support for vulnerable children aged 6-22. Lawrence is one of the counsellors, i.e. advises the kids. I asked more about these children - how are they found? They're from the community and are identified by community workers. Vulnerable children are inevitably from the slums. I said I'd worked with children form the slums yesterday, and they had some sad stories. Lawrence said he worked at compassion because he used to be one of those kids. I was a bit..taken aback. Lawrence is a peace and quiet kind of person. I asked about life in the slums. This is the general picture. Slum dwellers don't think like those who are 'rich', that's most of the problem, which is why compassion is so important because it helps to change the kids' mentality. Lawrence said he is who he is today because of compassion. In the slums, adults are always stressed out about finding enough food for the day. They fear about how they are going to find food tomorrow. They usually spend 5 dollars a day on food for the family, often going into the forest to try and find vedgtables to cook. Because the parents are so concerned about surviving, kids get somewhat neglected and perhaps aren't treated well. Love and care might be side-tracked. Their motto in the slums is 'I live to eat' rather than 'i eat to live'. They don't live like a 'rich person might live, they just exist. They are just alive. Apparently. There is a certain mentality and peer pressure in the slums. The generic thinking of 'how can i make money the fastest' - the answer of course is crime. The children see the parents living like this, and follow their lead. Alcohol and majurana are rife - they believe these can take away their stress. But when they sobor up, they think even more about their problems than before. Lawrence mentioned slum dwellers think an awful lot. Stressful thoughts. How will we get enough food. How can we get money. He mentioned that slum dwellers have a 'lower capacity to think'..so a 'rich person' would think, i need to go to school, i need to get a job. A slum dweller might think 'i need to get money really fast, whats the fastest way'. And those kids who do go to school become influenced by peer pressure, i.e. no-one else is going to school. They end up thinking 'why the hell am i wasting my time going to school? whats the use of going to school for me?' and they drop out. There is a lot of disease among slum dwellers. Malnutrition, alcohol- and drug-induced ill health, mental stress, and so on. Lawrence said slum dwellers are the sickest people in Uganda. Lawrence asked me if i ever wished i was bill clinton or obama. I said no. He asked me if i've ever wished i was super rich so that I could change something in the world. I said yes. He said he does, and he wishes he could send a ship load of money to the kids families he works with. I asked what is the best for these children? He said..helping them to change their mentality. Because when they change their mentality, they can work to get themselves out of that situation.
Lawrence shared his story. He was one of those vulnerable children. From the age of 16 he would work to pay his way in school. He worked in various marketing jobs, then when he was 18 he took on a security job as a bodyguard and got badly beaten up and broke his arm. When he was doing this security job, for 2 years, he'd get about 3 hours sleep between his night job and school during the day. As a result, his grades really suffered. He took a job at the supermarket near here, but his boss got suspicious because he was a quiet guy who just came to work, did his job, and minded his own buisiness. She gave him grief. The manager of red chilli (my accomodation) visited the store and dropped her purse by mistake. He retruned it to her, and she offered him a job at red chilli. So he's been here for 2 months.
He said that he's currently working at red chilli whilst taking 2 courses in computer science and graphics. He said he's still continuing and not giving up because he has a 'rich friend' who told him 'now is not the time to eat Lawrence', i.e. now is a time to work hard and when you finished, then you can enjoy your life. Lawrence thinks it will be his 'time to eat' when he finished his courses and starts his own buisiness. He doesn't want to be employed by someone else. He said he is young now, but now is not the time to enjoy life. That's for later. :(
He said that when he was young, he was a proud, arrogant guy who was very angry and got into many fights. He was big (muscly) and did wrestling as a job. When compassion started working with him, he changed his mentality, he also became a christian and he became a peace and quiet kind of guy. He doesn't fight anymore, he's not an angry guy. I like him a lot - he's a gentle, thoughtful, lovely person. Lawrence said he loves to help others who are like him. He says their stories make him tear up. He's working until midnight tonight, and he has an exam at 9am tomorrow. Writing the source code for how calculators work. I asked him if he's watched source code..he hasn't. i told him he should :)
He said he can take me with him the next time he goes to work with compassion. and I can meet the kids and say 'Hello, I'm Emily!' I do want to go.
He asked me about my studies. I told him I was studying medicine and had 1 year left to go. He said he wanted to be a doctor once but gave up on that idea because he wouldn't be able to handle corpses. I told him I can't either! I felt..not guilty..but not happy about saying what I studied. He's worked so hard in his life he should have much more than he does now. And ive had it handed to me on a plate. It's not my fault at all, obviously, but the discrepency is not fair. He was gracious though..we passed over this discrepency without awkward moments. Its neither of our faults, right? Like he said..sometimes life is shit, and thats life sometimes.
I wonder why vulnerable children are angry and rebellious? And then, when they get helped out, they go through this transition of becoming peace and quiet kind of people? Sometimes even more desiring peace and quiet than people who were never vulnerable. I want to find out.
I'm thinking of Pauline. She's 5, she's not in school. I wonder if she's going to adopt the slum mentality. I wonder if she's going to get into crime, or be pushed into it. I wonder how little love and care there is in her home. She was malnourished...so her family is very poor. She hasn't even got a mother. I wonder what her mentality is. I wonder what compassion could do for her?
Well, I don't feel 'meh' anymore. I'm just sad. I think I need to have a good cry. Cry about all the ways that life can sometimes just be shit. Cry about all the ways that life can sometimes get better. Cry about all the people who are having a hard time. Cry about all the people who once had a hard time. Cry about continuing struggles, and old struggles. Cry because life is both good and bad, but somehow can still be amazing when people work at it. Perhaps to cry about how amazing people can be, even in the face of adversity. Cry that angry, hurt, vulnerable people can become peace and quiet, loving people who want to help others. So much to cry about!
Oh God. Is this what my day has come to!
Flies have invaded our life here at red chilli. They come with the rainy season, apparently. A spider dropped from the room just in front of my mug of tea. I didn't even flinch. I'm getting good at bugs.
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