On sunday martin, the vet studying a phd, and I went to mabira forest. I told him about some of the people i'd met at red chilli, and how they thought about things quite differently to me...and hence started a deep conversation on the bus whilst travelling through the ugandan countryside!
He spoke about people who have or have not got 'strong bases'. This he explained as a good understanding of yourself and your abilities, wants, dislikes, and so on. He said that many people, when they are young, don't consider the self-questions we all have. Perhaps because initially, thinking through these things is effortful, a bit like a debate. But at the end of it, you come up with a conclusion, and you feel better. in this way you can know who you are and your purpose in things. More grounded. You've understood something about yourself and what you want and don't want. But he says that people can try and avoid these questions, because of the initial discomfort, time and effort it takes to think through things. That they distract themselves with facebook and so on, and start creating a self-identity which is based on their environment, and bouncing off their environment, rather than really thinking about who they are. He used his history as an example of why its good to have a strong base. He was very creative when he was younger, enjoying the arts and was in the choir, and then he picked a vet career because he wanted to. Even thought its vastly different from his creative hobbies, someone with a strong base knows they can do what they want to, its just a matter of effort. and that someone with a strong base, although they might not know where they will be in 5yrs time, knows the directcino they are heading in and they have the enthusiasm and will to happily put in all the effort that it requires. The significance of taking a pause to ackowledge and allow these self-questions to come up, in the absence of a strong external enviornment which serves to suppress these self-questions, was made evidence to me over this intercalated BSc. Perhaps also because it was a year spent concentrating on international health, but i really questioned myself about what direction i am going in with medicine. what i like in medicine, and what i don't like.
I gotta say, I was relieved to hear that someone else had switched from a creative perspective to a factual one. I made a very distinctive decision a long time ago to change direction and recently I've been wondering why. But what he said makes sense. It's just something I wanted to do. He said he used to think that work had to incorporate your hobbies, but he doesn't think so anymore. He thinks work is just a way to get money. I added that it could still be enjoyable, and he agreed. I'm still trying to make work incorporate my hobbies! I've managed it on this project, to blend both personal interests and work :) it feels good man!
Let's get back to the philosophical. He gave his opinion of how someone ends up in Uganda aged 30 or so, trying to find themselves and having no idea what they want to do in life:
So, perhaps it starts off by insufficiently addressing and resolving self-questions by choosing to be distracted by tv/facebook. they grow up without a strong grounding of who they are and their likes or dislikes and what purpose they have chosen and what direction they have chosen. But perhaps if these people cannot be open to themselves, i.e. allow themselves to self-question, in their home country, its unlikely that they are going to be open abroad too. But if being abroad allows them to forgot who they are, their self from back home, they can create a vacuum in which they fill with their new identity they might create for themselves here. sometimes its just a false identity, and it doesn't last and cannot be sustained. but sometimes it can be developed and matured as long as they stay abroad, but when they retrun to their home country it cant be developed there and so they need to live in the past, forever explaining how they became this person abroad, and having to live in the past to maintain it.
he reckons that, at a certain age, after forgetting yourself for a long time, its too difficult/scary to ever find yourself again, but that other people, who have a strong base, can show them who they are because they can see glimpses of it.
he also gave an example of how its possible to cater for all the different interests people have. for example, one of his colleagues, a bioscientist, has always wanted to have a pig farm and has recently acquired land for it.
Now, more on work! He told me about a really sad encounter he had recently. he met a very successful, attractive, intelligent doctor for the first time, to discuss each others projects and just have a chat. he described how she was always checking her phone, didn't seem enthusiastic for her very impressive project and never laughed once during the conversation. he thinks that she has conditioned herself, maybe for decades, to be who others expect her to be, and she forgot her private self, her private life, her own character, her own personal loves and wants. i think what he is trying to say is that she let her work self encroach into her personal life and perhaps drown it out so that her work self is all she is now. perhaps this happened because she found value and meaning for her life in her work, and therefore was unlikely to want to protect or develop her private, true character and self that is independent of external pressures; perhaps because she didnt put up and respect work boundaries to protect her private self; perhaps because she hasnt spent enough time exploring self-questions about what she is doing and why so that she can have a sense of control and direction. perhaps, as she forgot her own character and formed a vacuum, she picked up and became whatever her boss wanted her to be, or her colleagues, or her family, and so on.
something else that is comcmonly said at red chilli is 'how different' life is in uganda. how they do things do diferently. i dont think so at all. people still plant crops here and in the UK. we all take buses, we all ride bikes, we all socialise, we all work, or try to find work.
Philosophy over. Martin and I made a good rainforest team. I look up, and he looks down! he found the dropped, eaten fruit, the dung beatles rolling their dung, leaves which had been stripped off, special plants, large snails. I found the beautiful black bird with the long curved beak, the symbiotic relationships between the trees, curly wurly tree trunks, enormous leaves, and so on. i thoguht i heard a monkey, so i said 'can you hear something?' he said, 'yes. you!'. joker :) hes an insect guy and apparently you need silence for that! it was great to be in the forest. we walked in a massive circle and took the 1hr route instead of the 3hr route. we are going to return!
Today i took my first focus group. I had to boda it most of the way to avoid the traffic. I.e. jump onto the back of the motorbikes here. I wonder whose bike it is im jumping onto. Everyone is someone in this community, known to the people we pass along the road. There must be the jokers, the hard workers, the cheeky ones, the ones who are 'all that'..it was a bit dodgy this morning. passing lots of large lorries with little room either side, in the driving rain! theres not much point worrying though, it will never change the outcome. unless you want to get off :) which i didnt. but perhaps next time ill jump onto a motorbike which has wing mirrors!
Does anyone else have a period of about 30mins of being really nervy and then suddenly you're all calm and confident? Anyway, i got over my nerves well in advance of the group starting, so it was pleasant! by about an hour in, i was managing the dominant characters and remembering to include the quiet ones. Need to tweak a couple of the questions, but all in all I really enjoyed myself talking with these women. At about 2pm i went to the kitchen to buy a chapatti, but the kitchen lady took me out into the street to her favourite shack to get me one. she wants to meet up to chat at some point..and wants my email so we can chat when im back in the UK. I'm not entirely sure of the motive here. Ill find out this weekend! but it was lovely to be able to walk around the streets in that area and FINALLY for people to cal out 'Emily!' instead of muzungo.
I got back today with about 2 hrs of sunlight to go before the rapid sunset. i knew exactly what i wanted to do. Got in, chucked my stuff on the floor, quick change and rushed over to the pool to lap up that sunshine. Transcription can wait until tomorrow.
The best part of the day was walking into a toy shop to pick something for Zeke. I chose that 2 player game where you have a kind of shovel thing and you've got to chuck a ball to each other and catch it with the shovel thingy.
Oh also, ive either been incredibly lucky or just blessed! Firstly, i needed a break before starting ther study but it wasnt part of the plan. then the translation toom longer than expected so we started a week later and it was exctly what i needed. then i wanted to have a day break after my initial focus group and the rest of them, as its the pilot and changes need to be thought over and developed well, but it wasn't part of the plan BUT tomorrow my translator has t go on home visits to see patients so we have to take a day off! im appreciating all this luck! :)
I had touristy plans. To visit a national park and go rock climbing and paragliding and so on. But actually, what I'm spending my time and money on is hanging out with people, old friends and new, whether for work or play.
I was thinking about Zeke. I'm glad that I managed to spend 6 weeks with him being all motherly but sensible enough to be aware that Zeke belongs exactly where he is, and I where I am.
I was talking to some other people at red chilli who also feel comfortable in Uganda even though theyve only been here 2 weeks. Good. Not just me being weird. I was thinking about why I like Uganda so much, and of course its about the people. They have this culture of being hopeful..but happy hopers..even when things are shite. You know they just say..yeah it would be helpful to have enough food to eat so i could breastfeed my kid but..i don't and i manage and im happy with the fact that I try my best. Maybe that's it. They can be aware of how life can be improved, but in the meantime, they're happy with what they have. Truly at peace with what they have. That's quite a skill. I haven't found it in other countries I've visited. I walk through the slum areas and the majority of people are smiling and call out greetings. If i talk to them they're bright and upbeat. I wish I could stay here longer to learn their secret. In the meantime, im going to try and figure it out. It's one lesson I would like to bring back with me. It's surely something that can be learnt, since it seems to be part of Ugandan culture. Like I said, Uganda seems to be characterised by joy and hope. Can you believe it? A country with a history of the LRA. They certainly know something about living well that I dont.
A few people I know have married Ugandans. Its certainly not hard to find Ugandans attractive. Haha.
Had an odd situation today, kind of similar to they 'hey im single' or 'hello, wife!' situation but more odd! I was waiting for a matatu on the road and a man, probably about 50, walks up to me and says something about wanting me to go back with him into his store - i looked over and it was just a shack with planks of wood sticking out of it. Politely declined saying I had to get back to kampala. he took it well actually, just said OK in good humour and retruned back to his store alone. I appreciate the manners, anyway.
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